My dad was the boogie man

I only say this because that’s what he told me growing up. You are scared of the boogie man? I am the boogie man.

Have you seen the movie train wreck? If not, the next sentence is a bit of a spoiler.

There is a part of the movie where Amy Schumer's character is standing up to speak at her father's funeral and she starts by saying, "My dad was an asshole."

I think this was supposed to be a shocker moment, but I chuckled and thought "Hey, mine too!".

Listen, if you've read my book, you know I had some challenges with my father growing up.

If you know me well, you know this may be a bit of an understatement.

But here's the thing. Today, he is the only person in my family who I still have a relationship with and it's a really good one.

He is my biggest fan with this book despite the fact that it painted him in a not so pleasant light.

He told me recently, “Covid slowed everyone down but you.”

So while I may use examples from my childhood to say "hey our experiences don't define us", I will also tell you the people we grow up with do. Those early relationships do define us.

This man was instrumental in making me who I am today.

The reason I don't back down from a challenge is because that's what he taught me to do - both by example and with his words and expectations. He had extremely high expectations for his children growing up, but only because those for himself were so much higher.

My work ethic comes from watching him work really hard to provide for his family. We may have struggled financially, but that was not because he was lazy or not motivated. He told me during one of my single mama days when he came over to fix my air conditioner that the reason he pushed me so hard to go to college was because he didn’t want me to know how to do things like that. He didn’t want me to work hard doing what he called menial labor for not enough money. He knew education was my ticket out of a life of struggle. So he insisted that I go to college. I credit my grandmother for being the example that it could be done, but my father’s expectations fueled that desire. He never gave me a choice and that resulted in me knowing that was just something I would do. Even if I didn’t know how.

My strength and courage to handle scary shit comes from him doing that in a way that made him appear fearless. He literally ran through tornado filled thunder storms under a blanket to come get me from a friend’s house just because I was scared as a little girl.

My tenacity and grit - also him. He never gave up on a project until it was done. When he didn’t know how to fix one of our cars, he bought another manual and taught himself how.

He taught me there was nothing I couldn't do just because I'm a girl. I learned how to play and love baseball. I learned how to shoot guns. I ran faster than the boys in my neighborhood.

He taught me how to be self sufficient and stand on my own two feet. As a result, I do most of my home projects myself. When in doubt, I know I can simply Call Dad and he’ll help me out of whatever bind I’m in. So I may be a single mom, but I can change my tire, fix my garbage disposal, install a new car door handle, change out faucets and install light fixtures. Chances are I’m a better painter than you or anyone you know.

While he likes to give me a hard time for driving too fast, that's also on him. He claims it’s genetics because his uncle was a race car driver, but I knew from an early age what it felt like to ride in a car that went fast and all I know now is I still like it.

So while I may point out the not so great memories because it helps me paint the picture on where I came from, let me also be the example that relationships can be mended. Most of the healing is internal work for you with a healthy dose of accepting people for who are and giving credit where credit is due.

If you need my help, let’s chat more. I can walk you through it step by step.