Do you know why depressed people sleep so much?
It’s the closest thing to dying. The quicksand that is depression feels empty and like toxic sludge. It pulls you under and feels like you’re sinking down into the depths of dark despair. It feels like sinking or circling a drain. You feel helpless and it all feels hopeless. The only desire is a longing to just give up. To be done. To just make the misery stop.
So, we sleep.
And there is a spiritual reason, as well. Our bodies know it’s the best way to stop the momentum. The negative thoughts spiral. The toxic energy that’s taken over - sleep is the best way to stop it. It’s a perfect reset button. To just hit pause on all that negativity that is spiraling out of control.
The thing about this particular mood disorder is there are many flavors. There are several causes and there isn’t a one size fits all solution. It’s not really a problem to fix, per se. It’s more of an exercise of persistence. Many believe the opposite of depression is happiness, but it’s not. The opposite is purpose. To find meaning in the meaningless abyss. To find purpose in the matrix of this make-belief reality. For all the ways we human beings are complex and unique, our mood disorders are too.
So for one person, it may be more of a depressive state that you wrestle with from time to time, or perhaps it’s all-consuming seasonally. Depression for some is an everyday battle that never fully releases its hold. For someone else, it may be crippling anxiety that doesn’t allow you to sleep well. Yet, for others, we may be feeling so disconnected from our feelings that escapism seems to be the only viable solution. This desire to escape looks different for each person too. It could be an addiction that allows you to numb the feelings. It could be escaping into a fictional reality like TV or video games. Everyone’s “vice” is different. All subjective to our human conditioning and natural inclinations.
When it comes to depression, though, this one gets a lot of attention. It’s the only mood disorder that literally screams out for help and gets people’s attention because of suicide. Even in all the ways, we are becoming more conscious of this “mental health struggle”, it doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter. We are only paying closer attention because people are fucking killing themselves.
The reason you hear seemingly silly suggestions for people who are struggling with depression is that it’s a slow climb out. This isn’t the moment for giant leaps of faith. It’s not something you can just snap out of or talk your way to a better feeling place with affirmations. Quite honestly, most of that takes too much effort. Newsflash: not one depressed person wants to feel that way. At a time when energy is at an all-time low, when the essence of who you are feels completed depleted, the only small steps that are possible are things like taking a walk, sitting outside, drinking water, or taking a shower. Small, tiny baby steps that don’t require a massive amount of energy and that will make incremental steps forward. It’s only about finding moments of reprieve and minuscule soothing. You know I’ve often said: baby steps are better than small steps. It’s true.
If you know someone who is struggling with depression, do me a favor and don’t ask them how you can help. They don’t know what they need. Show up. Sit with them. If you can’t be there in person, text them or call. When they don’t answer, keep trying. Don’t try to find the “right thing to say” because there isn’t one. You can tell them how much you care. You can remind them of people who love them. You can offer to help. In all reality, what they need is to vocalize their thoughts. They need to connect with other human beings. They need to physically move the energy that is stuck. They need to remember what it feels like when they take care of their body, feed their mind, and connect with their spirit. You might find this guide helpful. It’s a list of the best questions to ask your loved one.
Depression isn’t a happiness problem. It’s a connection issue. Feeling disconnected from people, God or meaning. Walking someone toward their own purpose is what’s needed. Finding a reason to connect with people is important. Allowing them to both tap into their own inner wisdom or guidance while balancing being present and connected in this human experience. It’s a dance and the balance looks different for everyone. The secret is for each person to find their own and honor it. And that, my friends, is the very first step to “battling depression.”
If you want my 10 step guide to crawling out of depression, download your copy here.
What’s the deal with meditation anyways?
On my worst days, I can tell you what went wrong. The very best days have one thing in common. The mood I feel throughout the day is always based in my morning routine and whether or not I meditated. I kid you not, if I don’t, my day is altered in not so great ways. It is amazing to me that I know this and still sometimes, I allow my day to get away from me without meditating first. I know it sounds crazy to someone who has never taken the few minutes to try this, but if I could share one tiny piece of wisdom that has the BIGGEST impact on my life, I would tell you to meditate. I am telling you … MEDITATE. For real. It will change your life.
The thing about meditating is that it is not time consuming. I am no monk, but I do feel like people look at me different when I start talking about it. It sounds a little out there, I guess. I don’t really understand the stigma or perception now that I know how false it is. What meditation is for me is a minute, or 5, or 15 to connect to something bigger than myself. It allows me to stop the chatter in my brain or at least slow it down. It allows me to feel centered and cared for and loved. It gives me an opportunity to remember how I want to feel and what I want to focus on with my day, intentionally, before the to do list pulls me in eighty different directions. It lets me just stop for a hot second before I get back on this merry go round of life with small children, school and work. The thing is I only need about 15 to 20 minutes to fully take advantage of all the goodness that meditation brings me. I have meditated for an hour or decided to add another 30 minutes after a great 20 minute session, but most days I don’t devote that much time to my meditation routine.
I can talk to the benefits all day long, but what I have a hard time describing is what happens in some of my really amazing meditations. Sometimes, I feel SO connected, so tapped into this higher being, so surrounded by God, that I can physically feel this connection. I feel tingles, almost chills and a lightness that comes over me. It is the most amazing feeling that I can only compare to one other sensation, but it’s not quite the right comparison. It’s the closest thing I’ve got though. AMAZING. That’s how I describe both. It’s in those moment, when I can feel the connection, that I will often times hear, very clearly, my intuition guiding me with simple ideas and super clear next steps. Those moments of clarity are not clouded by my own internal dialogue. The chatter is gone.
And then just like that, the chatter is back. The other misconception about medication is that to do it “right”, you have to completely silence your mind. The reality is, though, that never happens. Your mind won’t ever become utter silence unless you are truly enlightened. I assure you, I am not one of those souls, but sometimes I do get close … for about 30 seconds. The reality is your mind will have thoughts the whole time. The trick to learn is how to let those thoughts come and let them go without following them down the rabbit trail. Just recognize your thoughts and release them. I do this again and again during meditation.
The other idea about meditation that isn’t quite accurate is that there is a right way to do it or that you’re supposed to sit in silence. This does work really well for some people, but if you’re like me, music may help. I like nature sounds, singing bowls and binaural beats as background noise because it’s soothing. Check out a few on YouTube to get you started. It helps me quiet my overactive thinking a bit and it allows me to relax more quickly. It helps me to have something to listen to and something to focus on instead of my thoughts. On especially hard days, I also find some guided meditations can be great tools to lead me toward those better feeling though and better feelings. The idea of someone’s voice being able to lead me toward feeling happier or more relaxed can be the best tool when I feel the twinge of depression sneaking back in.
Meditation quite literally saved my life. When I was deepest in the depths of despair and depression, I started meditating. I started with two minutes. The next day, I set a timer and tried five minutes. I sat silent. I listened to music. I was introduced to guided mediations in the Insight Timer app and the world of meditation broke wide open for me. I cannot claim that meditation alone is what brought me out of depression, but it was definitely an integral part of my healing. It was through therapy, with time and one tiny step at a time, that I began the army crawl out of that dark hole toward a better feeling life. It is when I feel depression sneaking back in and I meditate that I realize the impact it has on my general sense of well being. I can’t speak for anyone else’s experience except my own, but mediation is the one part of my morning routine that has the biggest influence on the outcome of my day. If you need pointers or could use someone to help you find your rhythm, please reach out. I would love to help. Namaste.