Do you know why depressed people sleep so much?

It’s the closest thing to dying. The quicksand that is depression feels empty and like toxic sludge. It pulls you under and feels like you’re sinking down into the depths of dark despair. It feels like sinking or circling a drain. You feel helpless and it all feels hopeless. The only desire is a longing to just give up. To be done. To just make the misery stop.

So, we sleep.

And there is a spiritual reason, as well. Our bodies know it’s the best way to stop the momentum. The negative thoughts spiral. The toxic energy that’s taken over - sleep is the best way to stop it. It’s a perfect reset button. To just hit pause on all that negativity that is spiraling out of control.

The thing about this particular mood disorder is there are many flavors. There are several causes and there isn’t a one size fits all solution. It’s not really a problem to fix, per se. It’s more of an exercise of persistence. Many believe the opposite of depression is happiness, but it’s not. The opposite is purpose. To find meaning in the meaningless abyss. To find purpose in the matrix of this make-belief reality. For all the ways we human beings are complex and unique, our mood disorders are too.

So for one person, it may be more of a depressive state that you wrestle with from time to time, or perhaps it’s all-consuming seasonally. Depression for some is an everyday battle that never fully releases its hold. For someone else, it may be crippling anxiety that doesn’t allow you to sleep well. Yet, for others, we may be feeling so disconnected from our feelings that escapism seems to be the only viable solution. This desire to escape looks different for each person too. It could be an addiction that allows you to numb the feelings. It could be escaping into a fictional reality like TV or video games. Everyone’s “vice” is different. All subjective to our human conditioning and natural inclinations.

When it comes to depression, though, this one gets a lot of attention.  It’s the only mood disorder that literally screams out for help and gets people’s attention because of suicide.  Even in all the ways, we are becoming more conscious of this “mental health struggle”, it doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter.  We are only paying closer attention because people are fucking killing themselves.  

The reason you hear seemingly silly suggestions for people who are struggling with depression is that it’s a slow climb out.  This isn’t the moment for giant leaps of faith.  It’s not something you can just snap out of or talk your way to a better feeling place with affirmations. Quite honestly, most of that takes too much effort.  Newsflash: not one depressed person wants to feel that way. At a time when energy is at an all-time low, when the essence of who you are feels completed depleted, the only small steps that are possible are things like taking a walk, sitting outside, drinking water, or taking a shower.  Small, tiny baby steps that don’t require a massive amount of energy and that will make incremental steps forward.  It’s only about finding moments of reprieve and minuscule soothing. You know I’ve often said: baby steps are better than small steps. It’s true.

If you know someone who is struggling with depression, do me a favor and don’t ask them how you can help.  They don’t know what they need.  Show up.  Sit with them.  If you can’t be there in person, text them or call.  When they don’t answer, keep trying.  Don’t try to find the “right thing to say” because there isn’t one.  You can tell them how much you care. You can remind them of people who love them.  You can offer to help.  In all reality, what they need is to vocalize their thoughts.  They need to connect with other human beings.  They need to physically move the energy that is stuck.  They need to remember what it feels like when they take care of their body, feed their mind, and connect with their spirit.  You might find this guide helpful.  It’s a list of the best questions to ask your loved one.

Depression isn’t a happiness problem.  It’s a connection issue.  Feeling disconnected from people, God or meaning.  Walking someone toward their own purpose is what’s needed.  Finding a reason to connect with people is important.  Allowing them to both tap into their own inner wisdom or guidance while balancing being present and connected in this human experience.  It’s a dance and the balance looks different for everyone.  The secret is for each person to find their own and honor it. And that, my friends, is the very first step to “battling depression.”

If you want my 10 step guide to crawling out of depression, download your copy here.