The Magic of Letting Go
When I think back to what I wrote in this eBook, The Five Steps to a Happier You, Let it Go was my advice. In all honesty, the five steps came to me in meditation. Funny since that’s what my last blog post was centered around. My pillar of happiness and well-being is so heavily grounded in this concept of letting go and also in my daily meditation. In times of my biggest personal growth, it’s always, always comes after letting go of something big. It’s usually been a heavy resentment that I needed to handle with forgiveness or a habit that was holding me back from the life I truly want. Lately, though, I’ve realized that this letting go is also deeply connected to something I’ve held onto as if it is a part of who I am: my insane need to control everything and everyone around me.
I have had an illogical need to control my world for so long now that I cannot tell you where it began. Well, after years of therapy, of course, I can tell you where it came from, but the reality is, I have spent a lifetime thinking this is just who I am. I am the type of mom who had a schedule for the birthday party just “to be sure we fit it all in.” I am the ex-wife who instructs dad on what detergent to use and what the kids should eat for snacks. I am the one yelling at cars in front of me at school drop-off so that my kid says from the back seat, “You know that they can’t hear you, right?”
The figurative weight that has been lifted when I started to learn how to “stay in my lane” has been immense. Ironically, it did actually start with traffic. When I could let go of wanting to control how fast other people drive or what lane they decide to park in (read: don’t drive slower than everyone else in the left lane, please, for the love!), I was really giving myself the gift of enjoying my drive. I love the thrill of driving fast and I love nothing more than an empty road in front of me to get where I want to go. I started playing a game with myself anytime someone slowed me down. I started convincing myself that they had something going on in their own world that was causing them to be distracted and kept them from noticing that I wanted to pass them. Their kid is sick, they are having a fight with their spouse or their dog is dying. You know - worst-case scenarios - because this was really the only way I could justify their not paying attention to the fact that I want to go faster than they were. Letting go of road rage tendencies actually made me a happier person.
Having been married and subsequently divorced, I have the opportunity to share my children with their father. My kids live their lives shuffling between two homes. This absurd need to control all things is definitely tested when my children spend a good deal of time away from me. Learning to let go of my ability to control what happens when they are at Daddy’s house has been a HUGE benefit to my own well-being, but also a gift to my children. As soon as I realized I couldn’t control bedtime, what they eat, or even who they spend time with, I was able to enjoy my time when they are away so much more. I just don’t spend time thinking about those things and I focus on who I am with and what I am doing instead. I trust that they are safe, loved, and cared for, and let the rest go. My kids then get to enjoy their time with their dad without worrying if mom is going to be mad. It gives them the freedom to talk about their weekends without concern about how I will react. It also doesn’t allow them to play their parents against each other, which is too common in those shared custody situations.
Children certainly need guidance and I am responsible for them in every way. I also might be the type to struggle with the snail’s pace that children move. Mornings, especially, have been a challenge for me. We have spent way too many that ended with me frustrated and yelling at my kids before I send them off to school with a forced smile saying “Have a great day!” What a crappy way to start the day. Now, I do lots of pauses and deep breaths to keep my cool, but also I’ve just chilled out. I allow extra time and I do more of the preparations than I should. I finally decided that getting them to school with a good state of mind was more important than whether or not they put on their own shoes. They do their part the night before (backpack prep, water bottles, pick out their clothes, etc) and I help them more in the morning. While my goal was to send them off with the best state of mind, by letting go of this insane need to control how fast they move or what they are doing on their own, I was again giving peace of mind to myself. I actually feel better as I move through my morning and drop them off at school.
Learning what I can control and letting go of what I can’t has been the best thing I could do for my own mental health. It only makes me happier. It keeps me focused on things I actually have an influence on and allows me to shift my energy to more enjoyable and more productive things. It really is quite magic.
What’s the deal with meditation anyways?
On my worst days, I can tell you what went wrong. The very best days have one thing in common. The mood I feel throughout the day is always based in my morning routine and whether or not I meditated. I kid you not, if I don’t, my day is altered in not so great ways. It is amazing to me that I know this and still sometimes, I allow my day to get away from me without meditating first. I know it sounds crazy to someone who has never taken the few minutes to try this, but if I could share one tiny piece of wisdom that has the BIGGEST impact on my life, I would tell you to meditate. I am telling you … MEDITATE. For real. It will change your life.
The thing about meditating is that it is not time consuming. I am no monk, but I do feel like people look at me different when I start talking about it. It sounds a little out there, I guess. I don’t really understand the stigma or perception now that I know how false it is. What meditation is for me is a minute, or 5, or 15 to connect to something bigger than myself. It allows me to stop the chatter in my brain or at least slow it down. It allows me to feel centered and cared for and loved. It gives me an opportunity to remember how I want to feel and what I want to focus on with my day, intentionally, before the to do list pulls me in eighty different directions. It lets me just stop for a hot second before I get back on this merry go round of life with small children, school and work. The thing is I only need about 15 to 20 minutes to fully take advantage of all the goodness that meditation brings me. I have meditated for an hour or decided to add another 30 minutes after a great 20 minute session, but most days I don’t devote that much time to my meditation routine.
I can talk to the benefits all day long, but what I have a hard time describing is what happens in some of my really amazing meditations. Sometimes, I feel SO connected, so tapped into this higher being, so surrounded by God, that I can physically feel this connection. I feel tingles, almost chills and a lightness that comes over me. It is the most amazing feeling that I can only compare to one other sensation, but it’s not quite the right comparison. It’s the closest thing I’ve got though. AMAZING. That’s how I describe both. It’s in those moment, when I can feel the connection, that I will often times hear, very clearly, my intuition guiding me with simple ideas and super clear next steps. Those moments of clarity are not clouded by my own internal dialogue. The chatter is gone.
And then just like that, the chatter is back. The other misconception about medication is that to do it “right”, you have to completely silence your mind. The reality is, though, that never happens. Your mind won’t ever become utter silence unless you are truly enlightened. I assure you, I am not one of those souls, but sometimes I do get close … for about 30 seconds. The reality is your mind will have thoughts the whole time. The trick to learn is how to let those thoughts come and let them go without following them down the rabbit trail. Just recognize your thoughts and release them. I do this again and again during meditation.
The other idea about meditation that isn’t quite accurate is that there is a right way to do it or that you’re supposed to sit in silence. This does work really well for some people, but if you’re like me, music may help. I like nature sounds, singing bowls and binaural beats as background noise because it’s soothing. Check out a few on YouTube to get you started. It helps me quiet my overactive thinking a bit and it allows me to relax more quickly. It helps me to have something to listen to and something to focus on instead of my thoughts. On especially hard days, I also find some guided meditations can be great tools to lead me toward those better feeling though and better feelings. The idea of someone’s voice being able to lead me toward feeling happier or more relaxed can be the best tool when I feel the twinge of depression sneaking back in.
Meditation quite literally saved my life. When I was deepest in the depths of despair and depression, I started meditating. I started with two minutes. The next day, I set a timer and tried five minutes. I sat silent. I listened to music. I was introduced to guided mediations in the Insight Timer app and the world of meditation broke wide open for me. I cannot claim that meditation alone is what brought me out of depression, but it was definitely an integral part of my healing. It was through therapy, with time and one tiny step at a time, that I began the army crawl out of that dark hole toward a better feeling life. It is when I feel depression sneaking back in and I meditate that I realize the impact it has on my general sense of well being. I can’t speak for anyone else’s experience except my own, but mediation is the one part of my morning routine that has the biggest influence on the outcome of my day. If you need pointers or could use someone to help you find your rhythm, please reach out. I would love to help. Namaste.
Book Review: You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
This book changed the course of my life. I was stuck in a miserable job, mindlessly searching through the online dating world looking for love. In a brief conversation that went nowhere, one of these men suggested this book and I bought it on my lunch break. I sat in my car reading, avoiding walking back into that dark office and a seed was planted.
It took me all of two days to read this book and it is FULL of inspirational wisdom. Jen has a great way of expressing all that I have learned in great detail since reading this book, but her down to earth tone and her perfect timing of a well placed swear word had me hooked. She has sage advice and realistic suggestions for ways to take charge of your life and make the changes necessary to have the life you want.
This is a MUST READ and it’s now on my list of books to give as gifts.
Costa Rica - Pura Vida!
I was fortunate enough to spend a week in beautiful Playa Aranilla Costa Rica at the Secrets Papagayo Resort to celebrate my dear friend, Alicia’s 40th birthday. We have been talking about this trip and planning for a year now, so it was a little surreal to have the time finally arrive. Admittedly, we wasted most of our opportunity to explore this country and spend most of our time at the resort and in the pool. I felt a tad bit guilty about not seeing a volcano, zip lining through the rain forest or hiking to the hot springs, but if I’m honest, hiking is not my thing. I did manage to paddle board for the first time and I didn’t fall!
Having someone else cook, clean my room and bring me drinks IS a vacation from my real life. Indulging in food that is not on my eating plan and getting to work out if I wanted to was just what I needed. I managed to read a teeny tiny bit, meet some new friends and my skin got a little bit closer to a golden brown. Not getting sunburn, soaking in the pool until my fingers are toes were prunes was about all the energy I could muster and more fun than I expected.
My one “excursion” was to venture over to the gym one day to workout and to the Spa to get an amazing massage. It even rained during the massage, which was more relaxing than the sound of rain as white noise.
Our nightly dinners were amazing. We tried everything on each of the menus from Hibachi Grill and sushi to steaks, and Italian food. Each restaurant at this resort was delicious. The waitstaff was amazingly patient, as well.
Most of our days by and in the pool were spent planning our next vacation and coming up with our hashtags - some published and some only shared in our group chat on WhatsApp. If you’re curious, check out #costa40rica. In the end, though, we had a blast and came home with stronger friendships and excited about our next trip together - Turks and Caicos here we come in 2020!
View from our room
View of the Beach from the Main Pool
Best view from the gym ever …
So many laughs with these girls!
Resource: Insight Timer App
An App Review … really? Yes, really. Y’all. This app changed my world. I sleep better, it changed my meditations for the better and has made me more productive during the day while I’m sewing. Crazy, right?
First, I learned about guided meditations from this beauty. I had been relying on only my timer on my phone and my own silence to meditate, which was working fine, BUT … I did a few guided meditations that knocked my socks off. I felt so much more with the guided meditations and received downloads, feedback and sensations like never before. The guided meditations are categorized by the mood or energy that you’re looking to create, the feeling you’re trying to let go of (anxiety, depression, etc), and by time. It’s amazing. You can find just the right meditation based on how much time you have, which guide you prefer and what you’re trying to accomplish. BAM - perfection.
Secondarily, I have found sleep music that has drastically improved the sleep I’m getting. My favorite is Deep Sleep and is over an hour, but I’m usually asleep within only a few minutes. I sleep so sound, have amazing dreams and wake up so well rested. Please try this one if you try nothing else and report back. Does it work as well for you as it does for me? It’s seriously like magic.
Lastly, these binaural beats are kinda woo-woo, but I enjoy them. I play the Higher Vibration in the background when I really need to concentrate and get some shit done. It’s so relaxing, but I can’t help but feel like it’s helping me focus and be more productive.
All of my friends have heard me talk about this app and some of them roll their eyes or look at my like I’ve lost my mind, but I cannot say enough good things about how this app has changed my life. Seriously.
Book Review: Girl Wash your face by Rachel Hollis
My book club chose this book for May and it was such a great read, also quick & easy, which was just my speed this month. Someone, please tell me why May is so darn busy! This the first book I’ve read and knew instantly who I was going to give it to. I even wrote an inscription, which I never do: “You are one of the strongest women I know. I hope this book is your one step closer to Truly Happy like it was for me!” It really was the best intro that I could think of.
Rachel shares such wisdom and insights in a straightforward way. She provides a dose of tough love, but equally balances that with empathetic encouragement. Having been criticized for being sanctimonious, non stop with her humble bragging and being so far removed from normal human beings, I was hesitant to read this one. I’m usually quite turned off by anyone who is too churchy and preaching at me, but this was a pleasant surprise. I found her relatable and while I am not bothered by another woman being proud of her accomplishments and the positive in her life, I know not everyone is. If you feel like someone expressing gratitude for their abundance is bragging, then you won’t love this book. I find it encouraging to hear how another woman has built and empire. I find it uplifting to hear about another woman’s success. For that reason, alone, I felt this was a great pick me up read.
Now, if you have done any amount of self help, self improvement and the like, then most of the book may not be earth shattering or new information, but her tell it like it is approach may be just the right way to convince another woman that she, too, can follow her dreams and have anything she desires. Besides, that’s what we should all be doing for each other anyways, isn’t it?
Outdoor Patio Update
In my attempt to Feng Shui all aspects of my home, my back patio needed some serious love. I have been updating my color palette throughout my home slowly, but the patio has been receiving some love in all shades of white. I painted my old rusted iron chairs, bought some new cushions for those seats. Loving this new look, so now we just need to start using it! (Also, still searching for the perfect outdoor rug.)
Next, I wanted some new outdoor cushions for my patio furniture because the red isn’t working any longer and they are quite faded from the hot Texas sun. Those suckers are expensive! The best I’ve found are at Target, but I was convinced I could do it better and for less. Here’s what I was working with …
Old outdated & Faded
Desperate need of a facelift …
Enter IKEA. I found these amazing covers in a color that was close enough to what I was envisioning. At $10 a piece, I was sold. I knew they were not going to fit exactly and I would need to stitch them up a bit. Once they arrived, though, I realized just how big they were. Oops!
Little Too Big
Right color .. Getting Close!
After a quick sewing job one evening after the kids went to bed, these cushions are now updated and I love how they turned out! Now I’m on a mission to find the perfect side table. And perhaps paint the chair frames. Always a project away from being done!
Feng Shui - Hallway
Some of you may know that I’ve started studying Feng Shui. Really, I’ve attempted to read all that I can on this idea of encouraging all the good energy to come and stay in my home and minimize anything that is detracting me from my goals. Sounds good right? Y’all this shit is complicated. I’ve read so much, listen to podcasts, bought audio books. When I want to learn something new, I dive in head first and don’t come up for air until the very last second. This has been no different. Quickly I got VERY overwhelmed, though, and decided I needed to just tackle one “issue” at a time. Honestly, Feng Shui can be complicated, but it doesn’t have to be. I’ll attempt to share what I’ve learned so far, but trust that I’m in infancy stages and I still have lots to learn.
With that said, however, let me just tell you that my kids have had challenges getting along for as long as I can remember. Sibling rivalry. They are both young. They spend so much time together. I had all the excuses to explain it away, but it was causing such angst in our home. Deciding this would be at the top of my list to “fix” with Feng Shui, I jumped in to find out what I could do to help.
While listening to the audio book, Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Karen Rauch Carter, I discovered that a long hallway with lots of doors could cause fighting among family members. Well, mystery solved!
So upon discovering that mirrors could help the stagnant energy, I set up to buy some mirrors. Stat! Well, I set out to find CHEAP mirrors because I really, really want to be a frugal human being, but I stepped one foot into Home Goods and found THE MOST AMAZING mirrors covered with an intricate distressed wood design, I instantly thought it warranted the $25 price point each. Ha! Frugality flies out the window when I find something I love. But also I can justify any purchase that brings me joy. These are beautiful! They bring me joy - Marie Condo would approve because I felt a Zing of happiness when I found them.
Not only did I buy those amazing wooden mirrors, but also a mirrored tray and a mirrored frame with the best vision of what this amazing hallway was going to look like. Most of the Feng Shui cures that are suggested are not esthetically pleasing, but I won’t let a little obstacle like Feng Shui deter me from having a pretty home. I mean. Who decorates a hallway, but then with mirrors? What would that even look like?
Naturally, like most of my projects, my vision makes me happy, the things I have to do before I can implement my vision give me anxiety and my to do list keeps me from implementing. In this case, my old wall of photos would come down and those brown frames had to be painted white. I needed to actually build the shelves I found on Pinterest and I needed to paint the hallway. Notice all the steps here? I could have hung those damn mirrors the day I got them, but no. I set them in the hallway, on the floor, leaning up against the wall and there they sat for WEEKS.
Slowly, I did manage to paint the picture frames. And then they sat in my living room, on the floor, up against the ottoman and the wall. My kid even knocked into one and broke the glass because they were ON THE FLOOR. Stop it already. I couldn’t even be upset with him because it was totally my own fault.
Next, I did manage to build the shelves. They are amazing! They were simple and easy, but it admittedly took me way too long to first stain, let them dry, then glue, then screw in place. BUT - they turned out great and I made them all by myself.
Want to make your own? All you need:
9 ft wood from Home Depot (Two 1x4s, One 1x2)
Stain - type and color
Gorilla Wood Glue & wood screws
Once the shelf was built, I only needed to paint the hallway. I had previously decided after soo much consideration on the most perfect neutral interior paint for my walls. Seriously, I gathered input of anyone who visited my house over the course of a few months to choose their favorite of all those paint swatches were on my living room walls. I settled on XOXO and it’s perfect. It works with brown. It works with grey. Every room and each wall I paint with this color makes my heart sing. After I painted the hallway, I just stood there and stared. I love it!
Just the second the paint dried, I finally hung the mirrors
Next, I hung then the shelf with some help from my little man. He had to hold it in place while I screwed this into the studs in the wall. This shelf is small but mighty - it’s heavy! Finally, after deciding which of the dozens of photos I had hung previously would get to stay, I settled on these …
This finished hallway makes me so happy. I find myself just standing here and staring at it. The part I forgot to mention though, was after a few days of the mirrors lying up against the wall, my kids had stopped fighting all the time. I didn’t even notice at first, but now, they come home from school and they play games together instead of begging for screen time. They create imaginary worlds and talk and play and laugh. It is like MAGIC. I will notice it’s gotten quiet, which is usually cause for alarm, but I will find them playing together in one of their bedrooms. They are getting along so well now!! I don’t know how much of this was really due to my Feng Shui cure, but the I love the mirrors, my new hallway decor and my kids have stopped fighting, so I’m going with it! Thought I’d share in the event your kids also fight like cats and dogs and perhaps you have a long hallway with lots of doors. Throw some mirrors up! Feng Shui doesn’t care if it looks pretty. Mostly, though, if you try this and it is working, please let me know!! I’m super curious to know.
Final product …
Outdoor Cushion Covers
The thing about having a friend who knows how to sew things is I get hit up all the time with a “but these are so expensive, I thought you might be able to make them”. While I do have the ability, as we always find out, it takes a long time which is where the cost comes into play. I’m usually able to do it for less, but there may still be some sticker shock involved. Wish that said, however, this project was a success!
I was given four of the five old cushion covers that the birds were attempting to use as their nest stuffing. They were pecked full of holes and I only had the brand name of the fabric. After a few samples were ordered, we nailed the color matching and made new cushion covers to match the old.
Original Color on Right
Color: Flax
#TxGirlsGoneSav - Savannah, GA
My second annual girls trip was to Savannah with two great friends … we ate and drank our way through that city. We opted to go outside of our normal summer schedule when the Georgia weather is a tad bit milder. October was supposed to be a little cooler and while it was still pretty humid, we did appreciate some slightly cooler temperatures since we did walk quite a bit.
Once before I have purchased the Scenic Tour on the double decker bus in Philadelphia and we were happy to do this again instead of Ubering our way back and forth. We stayed at the Marriott on Liberty Street which was a few miles from the Historic District and East River Street. The tour bus was a great way to get to and from and learn a little bit about the city in the process.
We had drinks at the The Distellery right across from our hotel twice which felt a little like home, so we enjoyed it immensely. It was quiet and the beer was cold. Our nights were built around which restaurant we would have dinner at. Our first night there, we happened by the Ordinary Pub for drinks as we were walking down Broughton. We ended up seeing the food that was coming out and stayed for dinner - it was AMAZING! The next few nights, we enjoyed the Olde Pink House, Girbaldi’s (which honestly we chose after seeing it next door to the tavern where our Ghost Tour started and hearing the story of the man who haunts it upstairs), and Treylors Park (this place was super fun and had a great vibe). One afternoon, we walked down River Street and had drinks at Rock’s on the Roof (the view was awesome as a few big boats rolled in and we were seated on the rooftop of the Bohemian Hotel) and also at Molly MacPherson’s Scottish Pub and Grill (but honestly, it was mostly because we needed a bathroom break more than another drink). We didn’t make it up in time for breakfast any one day, so we had brunch at The Collins Quarter and Prohibition Savannah - both delish and even better cocktails. Not one of these restaurants disappointed and all came from our recommendation list to us - all great! If I had to pick my top favorites out of those we tried, it would be Ordinary Pub and The Collins Quarter.
Outside of some window shopping, eating and drinking, we did squeeze in a Ghost Tour, which was creepy enough and made from some great photos! My overall review was that Savannah is a haunted city and it felt a little like we were stepping back in time. I am glad I went because it’s been on my list of US cities to visit since I was in high school, but not sure how much of a hurry I’ll be in to go back again.
The Ordinary Pub - anything but ordinary food!
My “Proof” from our Ghost Tour - Don’t come at me with light and blurring.
Artsie shot of the haunted bar
My favorite Selfie from our trip - LOVE these girls!
Italy has my heart - Florence especially!
My second daughter studied abroad her Sophomore year of college and it was an incredible experience for her. Part of the reason we settled on the University of Evansville was because of this program to study for a semester at their sister campus in Harlaxton, just north of London by about an hour. Honestly, the details are a bit fuzzy and I didn’t get a chance to visit her there, but it sounded amazing and the photos were damn impressive! It was like she was studying at Hogwarts and living in a castle.
While I may not have had the typical college experience, I certainly did my best to provide that for my girls. One perk for me being the mom who paid for it is that I joined her for a week in Italy at the end of her semester! For that, I consider myself blessed. I flew into Heathrow airport and she met me there. I have never been so excited to see my girl after a long break away as I was that day, bleary eyed in a new country I had never been to. Laying eyes on this baby girl of mine after sending her across the pond on this adventure 4 months prior was The Best Thing Ever!!
From there, we traveled to Rome, then Florence and then to Venice. She waited and kept Italy for me. You’ll have to read the other posts about Rome and Venice, but this one is only about Florence. This part of the world has my heart. I cannot wait to go back and have nothing but great things to say about it.
We shopped, we rain in the rain, we drank wine at the cutest little cafe ever. We ate pizza every day, had wine and espresso at every meal, and attempted to speak Italian as best we could. One afternoon, in particular, we popped into a small cafe where this one man was a one man show. He only spoke Italian and Japanese, I only spoke English and some Spanish. Together, we could barely communicate, but he spoke the language of free wine! I wish I would have made note of where it was because this is a place I would return to again and again. I only remember Da Fiaschino. He was so busy while we were there, so he kept coming by to fill our wine glasses and apologizing. After the third glass, we no longer cared how long it would take us to order. Over that complimentary wine, the meat and cheese board and our attempted Italian, my daughter and I really connected as adults for the first time. It was one of those traveling moments where the location somewhat matters, but why you’re there and what was said is what really stands out. I will never forget that afternoon in that tiny little cafe long after the memories of the laughing pictures in the rain fade.
There were also museums and wine tastings and buying some pretty damn cute shoes, but mostly I remember those treasured memories with my baby girl in Firenze.
View from our AirBNB … complete with my wine glass, of course!
Ponte Vecchio
Inside of said Cafe - LOVE
View of where our AirBNB was across the Arno River - it rained most our our time there.
How much we cared about the rain after all that free wine …
Gelato AND some famous statue outside of a museum - we didn’t remember the name of either. Oh, and my daughter looks a little bit like me, too.