Choosing Happy
I like to start with saying that the first step toward getting what you want in life is to choose that you want it - choose that you deserve it and choose that it will be yours. It’s often easier said than done, but you can’t possibly attract something into your life that you don’t believe you can have. We have to first believe it can happen and then we can move toward it coming true.
Let’s say you’re wanting to wake up each day excited about what lies ahead because you’re tired of waking up reluctantly and dreading your 9-5. The first step is to choose that you want to feel better. Choose the way you want to feel when you first open your eyes in the morning. Visualize what you will say to yourself and how it will feel. Choose to feel happy and choose to be excited. I use this practice of setting my intentions and practicing the feelings I want to hold through out my day by using the last few minutes before I go to sleep to remind myself how I want to feel when I wake up and practicing the first few minutes after waking up.
It doesn’t matter if you’re day ahead is going to a job you hate, it’s the day you clean house or you’re running errands that you can’t stand. The “what” you are doing has absolutely nothing to do with how you are choosing to feel while you do are doing it. It really doesn’t. You can choose to feel happy and content while you are grocery shopping even if normally the idea of picking out vegetables your kids won’t eat is appalling. You can decide that you want to feel better no matter what your day holds.
Beyond choosing how you want feel, it helps to spend time practicing. You can’t be happy if you don’t know how it feels. Spend the first few minutes of your day feeling the feelings of being happy. Take a few seconds to revel in the way happy feels before you put your feet on the ground. Say out-loud how you want to feel and what you will do today. I find regular touch points throughout the day helpful too. I remind myself how I am choosing to feel and take a second to get myself back to how it feels over and over again.
Our words have such power. They can direct our thoughts and our thoughts direct our emotions. If you’ll just practice saying out loud how you want to feel as if it’s already happening, it will begin to take hold.
“I am so exited about going to work today.”
“I am so happy to be alive and awake and ready to start my day.”
“I am so happy as I pick out food for my family.”
“I love to have a clean house and I love the way a clean house smells.”
I also find it helpful to speak about what I “get” to do instead of what I have to do. Instead of saying I have to go to work or I have errands I have to run, I have started saying instead that I am so excited that I get to do - whatever it is that I have in my day. The first words I say to myself in the morning are how I want to feel about what I get to do. “I am so happy and excited about what I get to do today”. Sometimes, I’ll name the specific, but if that’s too hard to get behind, I will just say “I am so exited about what I get to do today.” It’s amazing how the shift in my words and the focus on how I choose to feel will actually dictate how the day unfolds.
It’s amazing to me how simply choosing that I want to feel better will give me permission to make it happen. I’ve also realized that once I start intentionally choosing better words to use, using a more positive spin on things and shifting my focus to feeling better, I realize more and more how negative my self speak is. It is like peeling back the layers of an onion to notice the thoughts and words on the surface and what lies underneath those. Once you start, new things unfold and it’s a continuous cycle of improvement.
Trust the process and allow it to unfold. Let go of any judgment. Now, when I notice myself falling into an old pattern, I do my best to just stop, notice and let it go. Instead, of “OMG There I go again” or “My goodness how negative!”, I will just say, “huh, isn’t that interesting.” Then, I will remind myself that I choose to feel better and replace the old negative thought with a new one that is positive. If it’s especially challenging to reframe, I will find 3 positives for every negative. I find myself still working through negative self speak when I’m referring to my body, so my reframing sounds like this:
Old Pattern - oh my god I need to lose weight. Look at this flab.
Recognize - There’s that old thought again.
Reframe - I choose to be thankful for this body instead of shaming it.
Replace with positive - I am so proud of how well this body was able to create, grow and birth four beautiful humans. My body is healthy and strong. It is getting stronger every day and it is beautiful and I am grateful for all that it allows me to do.
There is power in your words and there is strength in repetition. When there is a lifetime of momentum and habits of negative thoughts, it takes time to shift and create a new pattern. Allow yourself to get a little bit better every day and remember how you are choosing feel. You are choosing to feel happy which won’t come from beating yourself up or expecting perfection. Be gentle, keep going and choose happy over and over again.
Let me know how it’s working for you!