Feng Shui Tips For Your Fresh Start
When you are facing a new chapter, whether or not it’s wanted, your environment can greatly impact your overall mood and mental health. Any Start Again moment deserves some intention and choosing on purpose. One of the easiest ways to boost your confidence to face the uncertainty of a new beginning is to start with your home. The energy of your home can be so easily shifted and can be the simplest way to impact positive change for the future.
Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese practice of arranging your environment and the items in it in a way that promotes harmony and balance. It has been credited for attracting wealth, love, and improved health. It is a crazy concept to think that the color of your walls can make the difference between meeting your soul mate or not, but knowing that a running toilet could be causing your recurring unexpected expenses can be a compelling reason to get curious at the very least. While diving into the depths of all that is Feng Shui can be overwhelming and the rules can be quite complex, I’ve simplified the concepts to give you some practical suggestions for a few easy ways to get started. When considering a new path, starting a new venture or merely creating your life with intention, the energy we allow into our homes is crucial. With the following tips, I will help you to do this on purpose.
Out with the old
Before you learn about the bagua map and what each room represents, let’s start by simply clearing out the old stagnant energy. There’s no need to overcomplicate things when a quick declutter session can be so powerful. When it comes to energy, you want to provide it room to enter, move around, and then leave. It’s just like money - it needs to circulate in order to be of use. So the first step with Feng Shui is to clear space and make room for what you are calling in. Before you decide what the picture of your ideal life looks like, you need a blank canvas to paint on.
Walk around your house with a notepad and make note of anything that is broken or needs to be replaced. Tend to repairs first and remove any dead or dying plants and flowers. Spend time in each room sifting and sorting through what items you choose to keep. Those things you use, have, and decorate with matter, but feng shui doesn’t require making new purchases to make it work. Only keep what you love and what represents the future version of you. As Marie Kondo says, your items should Spark Joy when you see them. Does your home provide you with a zing of happiness when you walk in? When clearing out unwanted items, don’t forget to consider what can be gifted, repurposed, and donated to others.
One practical tip I use is to stay in one room at a time. First, it will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. Second, it allows you to be more efficient with your time. If your ADD tendencies keep you chasing your tail, like me, you’ll appreciate the structure of one room at a time. I make four piles of items as I’m sorting through items in a room: Trash, Donate, Belongs in another room, Sell. Once I am done with a room, I address each pile individually. This method prevents me from wasting time running back and forth from room to room. It also keeps me from getting distracted when I walk into a new room.
Key Items to avoid: Broken items, Dead plants, or flowers. Decaying items can be extremely detrimental to your home’s energy.
In with the new
Before we call in what you want or need moving forward, take a moment to walk through your home or your freshly cleared-out space. How does it feel? Take a moment to appreciate what that space feels like. Do you feel lighter and a little more hopeful? Each time I clear out clutter, I can feel the difference in my body. It feels so nice to let go of unwanted items. I think more clearly. I see more possibilities. It’s a simple process that is extremely powerful.
With this newfound clarity, take your time to think about what you are calling in. This is a great opportunity to spend some time with your journal. I’ve created some helpful journal prompts to cultivate more joy and happiness in your life, but here are some questions to get you started:
What is missing from your life that would make you feel whole and complete?
What isn’t going well? Are these recurring themes?
What do you want to change moving forward?
What do you want more of?
Whether it’s a new relationship, an improved relationship, more travel, or more money, be intentional about choosing what gets to come in. Design your space with your future in mind. Chances are, if you are unhappy with an aspect of your life, your home will tell you why. A friend of mine was eager to meet a new partner and she was frustrated by the lack of dating prospects she was finding. We looked at the floorplan of her home and quickly realized she was missing the relationship qua completely. There was no room there, only a back porch. We applied a few cures to that space and she met her new boyfriend within a few months.
There are three main areas I recommend addressing before any others. These spaces represent every aspect of your life regardless of the exact location they are in the bagua. You can absolutely Feng Shui your entire house. You can paint walls, redecorate, and be as extra as you want about it. However, if you do nothing but declutter and choose what you want moving forward, three areas of your home will be most impacted by any changes you make.
Front Door Chi
The way I was taught Feng Shui was to think of a sweet, little old lady walking down the street named Mrs Chi. We want our house to be so appealing and inviting, that Mrs Chi wants to come in and stay awhile. When you think about your Front Door, consider how welcoming it is. Consider the overall street appeal. There are recommendations based on what type of Feng Shui you follow as to the color of the door and whether or not you have windows or glass, but before you consider replacing your front door, here are some simple shifts you can make that will instantly shift the energy that’s attracted to your home.
We’ve already decluttered and cleaned up the space inside the home, so let’s shift our focus to the entrance of your home. Sweep, clean the windows, and toss any stained or faded items. Repaint or stain the door if it needs repair or updating. Remove any dead plants and bring in fresh ones. Does your wreath need replacing or can you freshen it up a bit? I like to change out my front door wreath based on the season or holiday to keep things fresh, but I also like to use what I have around the house. I will often swap out what’s on the wreath with the decor I already have, but it can be fun to add new items as well. Think fresh, inviting, and welcoming.
Beyond the front door itself, you will also want to consider the path to the door and the entryway once inside. Your front door is the main portal of energy to your home. You want to frequently use this door - even if you regularly enter through another door like the garage. Be sure you open the front door often to allow energy to flow. Clear the walkway and be sure it’s well-lit. Replace any lightbulbs that have burned out. These relatively small changes can make a lasting impact on the overall energy of your home.
Key Items to avoid: Your name on the welcome mat. You don’t want people walking all over you.
Main Bedroom
Some argue this room is the most important in the house. Others claim it’s the kitchen, so let’s address both. Everything you choose for the master bedroom should promote good sleep so you are well-rested and relaxed. First, the bed placement is the most critical element to consider. You want to place your bed in the power position and ideally sleep facing one of your personal power positions. You should be able to see the door when sitting up in bed, but avoid having your feet facing out (the coffin position). Place your bed up against a solid wall, but ideally not under a window or against the wall to the bathroom. Keep the area under your bed clutter-free to promote good energy movement. Ideally, this space is not used for storage, but if it is, choose what is stored here carefully. Avoid old letters from your ex or anything that creates negative energy, movement, or excess action.
Use neutral colors and use the power of twos. You want balance and harmony, but especially if you are calling in a new relationship, be sure to have two nightstands. Choose artwork carefully in this room. You want to avoid photos of moving water, aggressive prey animals, or photos of family if you want to attract romance into your life. Consider how you want to feel in a new relationship or any improvements you want for your existing relationship and be sure the photos and colors you choose for this space promote those feelings.
Your bedroom is intended for sleep and rejuvenation, so when possible, avoid having electronics, work-related items, or exercise equipment in this room. These items represent action and movement, which can prevent the energy in the room from being rest-filled. If your bedroom has to perform double duty, consider creating a separation between your bed and desk or covering your treadmill while you sleep. if you are having trouble turning off work at night or have difficulty focusing on work during the day, having your office in your bedroom may be why. Think about how well you sleep at night and make any changes based on the improvements you’d like to see.
Key Items to avoid: Items that promote movement, action, or life as a single person
Heart of the Home
Most feng shui recommendations for the kitchen are about where it’s placed in the home, the direction the door faces, and other features that are not easily changed or addressed unless you’re building from scratch. Regardless of where your kitchen is located, it is considered the heart of your home and therefore has a huge impact on the overall energy and health of the entire family.
From a practical standpoint, keep the kitchen tidy and clean. Use colors that promote health and prosperity. You want to keep a balanced approach to the kitchen. Incorporating fresh flowers, live plants, or an herb garden can encourage a vibrant and healthy energy to flow through your home. You will also want to have a balance of yin and yang energies. Keep the kitchen well-lit and replace any broken or damaged light fixtures or appliances.
One way to promote a balanced energy in the kitchen is to use all five elements: Water, Fire, Wood, Metal, and Earth. Water from the sink is balanced with the fire from the stove. Cabinets, butcher block counters, or a table made of wood can be balanced with metal appliances or metal bar stools. The earth element is represented by marble or granite counters, tile backsplash, or floors.
Key Items to avoid: sharp knives visible from the entry into the kitchen, dirty stove or bills left on the counter
What now?
When considering a fresh start, the easiest place to impact positive outcomes is to begin with your home. Clean up the energy in the space you live and it will promote good fortune and positive possibilities in every aspect of your life. Feng Shui is all about attracting good energy and clearing out the negative so it can be a powerful tool to create the life you want simply by placing items carefully and taking care of what you already own. It doesn’t require you to remodel any rooms or make massive changes. Small tweaks can mean the difference between continuing to be broke or watching your new business take off.
There are many more in-depth concepts to consider with Feng Shui, but starting with these practical suggestions should get you seeing some positive momentum in no time. Intention is everything, so as you move furniture and bring in new items, claim what you are calling in. Make changes and choose the life you have on purpose.
If you are facing an overwhelming new chapter, download my free Start Again Guide to point you in the right direction.
What My 3 Divorces Taught Me
Do you know what I love about divorce?
Absolutely nothing. Even with all its opportunity for growth, it’s still horrendous. The universal truth about all divorces is they suck. Even the “best”, most amicable ones are still terrible. Here’s what I also know to be true … being divorced doesn’t mean anything about your character. It has no way of defining your future unless you let it. It’s always a chance for a fresh start and with new opportunities comes the possibility of something better.
Divorce Sucks, but your life doesn’t have to.
Now … what comes after divorce, that phase of life where you get to start again, the do-over, and second-chance - that’s my jam. I have perfected the art of dusting myself off after a loss and starting again. Along my path to mid-life, divorced three times, single mom and entrepreneur, I have learned quite a bit.
Here are my top lessons that come from being a three times divorcee. (because you know it sounds fancy and bougie when you put a cute label on it.)
Our mistakes don’t define us
Try telling someone you’ve been divorced three times and see if that doesn’t make them think they know something about you. I certainly thought it did mean something about me for awhile. There is this phase of life after divorce - the guilt, the shame and society’s view on divorce - had me believing there was something wrong with me. The world says: You are divorced, so you are broken, damaged, and a failure.
When I found myself divorced for the third time, I actually believed it all .. and then some.
Until one day, I didn’t. I woke up and decided that this life experience didn’t actually mean anything about me as a person. I’m not a failure unless I choose to be. I am not a broken individual. I am quite healthy and strong actually. I was damaged from those heartbreaks, but I have healed. I, in fact, have succeeded in many ways. I have become an example to my children on how to be independent even when I didn’t want to be, how to make difficult choices in the face of massive uncertainty, how to learn new skills and love myself enough to leave when necessary. I did make mistakes in those marriages and in my life overall, but those mistakes don’t define who I am.
Those mistakes only show the outside world where I’ve been - not who I am.
Our past doesn’t determine our future
Single moms can feel as if they are destined to a life of struggle and sacrifice. The term alone has a negative connotation when you think about it. We all picture the same thing don’t we? Less money, no time, frazzled and alone. Being divorced, though, doesn’t have to mean anything about where you go from here, unless you choose to let it.
Your past is only where you’ve been. It has no bearings on where you go from here.
The future can be amazing. It can hold new career opportunities, living in places you’ve only dreamed of or falling in love again. This second phase is completely up to you to define and make happen. Your future is not already determined and has very little to do with where you came from. My second phase had me leaving the comforts of Corporate American with all its chaotic requirements and unfulfilling conference calls for a new life as an entrepreneur filled with freedom, flexibility and ultimate fulfillment. I published my first book and finally got paid to actually help people.
While starting again after divorce can be quite daunting, it really does hold infinite possibilities.
We can always start again
Regardless of the past, mistakes or divorces, we are always starting again. It may not feel that way in the moment. When looking ahead after a big loss, it can feel hopeless.
With every fall, though, we have the ability to choose to get back up, dust ourselves off and start again.
You may have seen this Olympic commercial from several years back, but it always warms my heart. We see children of all ages falling down and their moms picking them back up. They start as toddlers learning to walk, then we see small hockey players falling on the hard cold ice. Next we see teenage athletes with bigger and bigger falls. Images fill the screen of moms applying bandages, taking off sopping wet uniforms, tears and ice packs. The end of the commercial shows Olympic athletes all looking out into the audience with the universal Thanks Mom look on their faces. For teaching us that falling only makes us stronger. Cue the waterworks, right?
The thing about this life after divorce is we can do that for ourselves. We can take a deep breath, get back up and start again. We can recognize this fall as only a temporary stumble. We can choose to see our future as a blank slate, a new opportunity and the possibility to build something great. You and I both get to create a beautiful life.
We are never too old. It’s never too late.
Semi colon moment
My third divorce felt monumental, as you can imagine. It felt like giving up when, in reality, I was not the one who wanted the divorce. I was holding on - kicking and screaming - to that tumultuous marriage just to NOT get divorced … again. Inevitably, I found myself in familiar territory and it felt like my life was over. The pity party that came next was impressive by any drama queen’s standards. Then, while scrolling through Pinterest one day, I found a saying about a semi-colon and it flipped the script for me.
A semi-colon is where an author could have ended the sentence, but chose to continue.
This resonated with me so deeply that I instantly realized - my story isn’t over. It will continue. I will keep going.
So, I took pause, regrouped, and began writing the end of my story. I also got a semi-colon tattoo on my wrist so I see it every day as a reminder that where I go next is always up to me.
It’s only an ending if you want it to be.
Is this your semi-colon moment? If you are ready to Start Again, but don’t know where to start, sign up for The Breakup Bundle - designed for the single mom who is short on time and money.